DisneyLies.com

Rumor Central

January to early June 2005

Welcome to DisneyLies Rumor Central! Here we answer questions from you, our readers, about the inner workings, hidden history, and secret, shady underbelly of the Disneyland Resort, the Walt Disney Company, Disney films, and Walt Disney himself. We absolutely, positively guarantee that the answers to your questions are based on something and contain actual content of indisputably substandard veracity.

Now, on with the questions...

Is it true that Michael Eisner will give back some of the $230 million that he and his pal Katzenburg took out of the Disney coffers to make "California Adventure" more of a "Disney-like" experience, and less like the New Jersey State Fair? I hear they may even bring some shade for the guests? Any thoughts??? (6/19/2005)

It's true! In an act of contrition for his sacrifice of quality on the Disneyland Resort's second gate in the name of frugal accounting, Eisner will be adding $230 million of his own money to Disney California Adventure's 2006 budget in an effort to make the park more of what it should have been in the first place. This gift will be made official on Disneyland's 50th anniversary, when Eisner will soar down from the clouds on the back of a magical winged unicorn, a big bag of cash in one hand, and a sack full of toys and candy for all the good little children of the world in the other. Then, with a playful wiggle of his nose, he will call a rainbow bridge down from the sky, and a whole host of angels will descend upon it to earth, where they will dedicate their immortal lives to ridding the world of hunger, hate, pain, and fear. There will be a global celebration of brotherhood and, after that, free ice cream for everyone. Really.

The snake on the ride Indiana Jones is made with real snake skin. (6/17/2005)

Not true (it's really lizard skin). The skeleton with the spear through its eye socket does look disturbingly like Cynthia Harris, though. Has anyone seen her recently?

I have been wondering about the submarine ride. What happened? (June 13, 2005)

Sorry, but we can't help you with that. We have no idea why you've been wondering about the submarine ride.

Is it true that Disney had to digitally reduce Lindsay Lohan's breasts in order for the new film Herbie: Fully Loaded to get a "G" rating? (5/16/05)

Yes -- from 39DD to 34A. Also, the scene in which Herbie is washed by Paris Hilton was cut entirely.

I have heard rumors that the walk-through in Sleeping Beauty's castle in Disneyland (CA) is never going to re-open.... Please help!! (6/9/05)

The truth behind this one is complex, so bear with us. When the Peoplemover was replaced by the sad, sorry Rocket Rods, the queue for the ride ran through the former Circlevision building, through an underground tunnel, and up a staircase in the center of the Rocket Rods loading platform. Now that Buzz Lightyear's ride has taken over the Circlevision building, there is no way a queue can be created in that area for a new attraction on the Peoplemover track. However, Disney is in negotiations with George Lucas to create an attraction based on high-speed Star Wars vehicles. These "Jedi Knight Speeders" are expected to be very popular and lead to lengthy lines.

Which brings us to Sleeping Beauty's Castle. The castle is going to be rethemed (on the inside, at least) and attached to the existing underground network of tunnels as the first part of a Jedi Knight Speeders queue that will stretch from the entrance to Fantasyland all the way to Tomorrowland where it will connect with the former Rocket Rods queue tunnel. The castle/knight theme may be a bit of a stretch, but it solves quite a logistic problem for the park. Look for the new attraction to open some time in 2036.

I heard that at disneyland on the matter horn ride during Grad Night (a night when high school seniors from all over california get the park to them for the night) that 4 kids that were rideing the matter horn, and they all removed there safety straps, stood up, and on a tough turn in the ride they all flew off the ride, the ride was shut down for an hour and re opened, the kids bodies were Imediately removed form the theme park. (5/17/05)

On Grad Nights, teenagers are up too late, act like idiots, and, frankly, drop like flies all over Disneyland. During these events, it's like the park becomes a testing ground for Darwin Awards. You get kids swimming the Rivers of America naked, base jumping the Matterhorn, picking fights with animatronic pirates -- you name it. Fortunately, we don't make light of Disneyland fatalities on this site, or we'd go on and on about this at great length.

What will change when Space Mountain becomes "Rockit Mountain" at night? (5/9/05)

Space Mountain, for those of you who haven't been paying attention, will have a new feature when it reopens in a couple of months -- a different show after night falls. At night, Space Mountain, will become Rockit Mountain and, despite what you may have read elsewhere on this page, there will only be three differences in the attraction as part of the transformation.

  1. The sign outside the attraction will change from "Space Mountain" to "Rockit Mountain"
  2. The daytime soundtrack ("Sunshine on My Shoulders" by John Denver) will be replaced by a rocking nighttime soundtrack ("No Particular Place to Go" by Chuck Berry during the park's 50th anniversary; Meatloaf's "Bat Out of Hell" thereafter), and
  3. Every guest gets a cool Rockit Mountain leather jacket absolutely free.

Will Disneyland be doing anything special on its actual anniversary? (5/6/2005)

Up until yesterday, it had been assumed that all of the big events for Disneyland's anniversary were taking place on May 5. But when press began to ask what would happen on July 17 -- the day of the actual anniversary -- park management realized that they should probably do something significant on that date. Everyone stayed up late last night, and this morning they announced the following anniversary-day activities and special events:

  • A beautifully decorated half-sheet birthday cake with 50 lit candles will be given to everyone over the age of 3 entering the park
  • Each guest will receive a pair of golden Mickey Mouse ears free of charge
  • The price of admission to Disneyland will be temporarily raised by the price of a pair of golden Mickey Mouse ears
  • The newly redesigned Space Mountain will be officially opened (although the ride rehab is already finished and testing will be complete later this week, they won't let anyone ride it until the official opening)
  • To make guests feel like it's 1955 again, all drinking fountains will be closed, male guests with long hair will not be allowed to enter the park, Main Street sidewalks will feature newly poured cement, guests will have to buy individual tickets for any rides they want to go on, park gates will remain open no matter how many guests show up, a dangerous gas leak will be staged in Fantasyland, Tomorrowland will feature some actual science, and Fess Parker, Art Linkletter, and the late Ronald Regan will be broadcasting live.

Why was Disneyland's anniversary celebration started on May 5 instead of on the actual July 17 anniversary date? (5/5/05)

The event was scheduled for May 5 so that, as a cost-saving measure, the anniversary and Cinco de Mayo celebrations could be combined.

Can you give us any details on the new attractions announced on May 5? (5/5/05)

Sure! At a special press event on the morning of May 5, President of Disneyland Resort Matt "The Omlette" Ouimet announced that there would be three additions to the Disneyland Resort over the coming months.

1) Disney California Adventure's fondly remembered (but too much of a crowd maker to survive) attraction Superstar Limo is definitely never going to return. In its place will be a new attraction, Monsters, Inc.: Mike and Sully to the Rescue of the Hollywood Pictures Backlot. A leak from an Imagineering insider tells us that this new dark ride will involve characters Mike and Sully from the film Monsters, Inc. coming to the rescue.

2) DCA's Animation Building will also be getting a new attraction, Turtle Talk with Crush. In this attraction, kids will be able to help an animated turtle learn to talk, and it will talk about nothing but the attraction's sponsor, Orange Crush.

3) A third attraction will open in 2006, this one in Disneyland itself. Few details were given, but the fact that the old Submarine Lagoon has been drained and is swarming with workers has Internet fan sites buzzing with speculation that the attraction might have something to do with water. If it does, and if Disney continues the recent trend of basing high-profile attractions on Pixar films, then the attraction would likely revolve around a Pixar film that has a lot of water-based scenes, most likely The Incredibles.

Why did Disney cancel Kim Possible? (4/15/05)

The Disney television cartoon show Kim Possible was canceled, despite excellent ratings, for the most basic of reasons: accounting. Sixty-five shows had been produced, and that was considered enough to keep the show in syndication. "The shows are all pretty much the same," said one company accountant who has no children and doesn't watch much TV. "Kids like bright colors and movement. They get that from reruns just as much as they get it from new shows, so why spend the money?"

The budget released by Kim Possible's cancellation will be used to create a new cartoon show, Princess Powers. It will feature Disney's popular princess characters after they have been exposed to gamma-ray radiation and gain incredible super powers. Look for Snowstorm White, Cinderblastella, the BelleBeast, Wrathful Mermaid, and Slaying Beauty (and associated merchandise) beginning in August.

Why did Disney cancel Disney Magazine? (4/14/05)

Disney Magazine was canceled, despite a loyal readership, for the most basic of reasons: accounting. Sixty-five issues had been produced, and that was considered enough to stock a new Disney Magazine Classics publication. "The articles are all pretty much the same," said one company accountant who has no interest in Disney parks and doesn't read much. "Disney fans like bright colors and inside stories. They get that from reprinted articles just as much as they get it from new ones, so why spend the money?"

The budget released by Disney Magazine's cancellation will be used to create a new magazine, Power Ranger Rovers. It will feature Disney's popular (sic.) Power Ranger characters after they have retired from fighting evil and taken to traveling the world as tourists in a motor home. Look for the first issue (in which the Rangers retire after fighting a bunch of super-powered princesses) on newsstands in August.

Is it true that when Space Mountain opens there will be a different nighttime version of the ride? (4/03/05)

Yes! Normal Space Mountain -- with its improved special effects, Rammstein soundtrack, high-speed launch, double loop, and excursion onto the old Peoplemove tracks -- will reign during daylight hours, but after dark the attraction will transform into "Rockit Mountain"! Rockit Mountain will be a significantly different experience from Space Mountain. In particular:

  • Because it will be dark outside, Rockit Mountain will be well lit inside.
  • Instead of a space theme, the ride will have a "rockin'" Los Angeles earthquake theme
  • The attraction will only be accessible via tunnel from Disney California Adventure.

This is Disney's second attempt at a ride experience that changes with a second visit on the same day (the first was "it's a small world" which is even more painful a second time around). If it is successful, there are plans to have nighttime transformations occur in Pirates of the Caribbean (themed to the Pirates movie), the Matterhorn (themed to the adventure book Alive), and the Enchanted Tiki Room (themed to an as-yet-unnamed Alfred Hitchcock feature).

I heard that Schweitzer Falls in the Jungle Cruise collapsed. Is this true? (3/31/05)

Yes, but it's not particularly alarming in that falling down is exactly what Schweitzer Falls was designed to. Why else would it be named after the inventor of slapstick, Albert Falls?

What's this I hear about the Jungle Cruise's Schweitzer Falls collapsing? (3/31/05)

Schweitzer Falls did not collapse, and any rumors you have heard about its accidental destruction during the current Jungle Cruise rehab are false.

On the contrary, during the installation of an animatronic baby monkey that will throw dynamite at passing Jungle Cruise boats (one of the new thrills being added to the attraction, along with the giant spider, radioactive bamboo, and mutant hippos), the monkey's main spring was over tightened, causing it to overthrow the river. This errant explosive hit the waterfall with devastating effect. So, technically, Schweitzer Falls didn't collapse, it was blown up.

Did Schweitzer Falls collapse? (3/31/05)

Yes, after all these years erosion has finally taken the life of Schweitzer Falls. Apparently the backside of water rubbed it the wrong way.

Is it true that Schweitzer Falls on the Jungle Cruise at Disneyland fell down? (3/31/05)

No, it was pushed

What's up with the Jungle Cruise rehab? (3/9/05)

The Jungle Cruise is currently down for a long (and, some would say, long overdue) refurbishment, and rumors abound that the repairs will be accompanied by a variety of changes and upgrades to the attraction. Separating the wheat from the chaff (or the sheep from the goats, if you prefer), we have the following lists of true and untrue facts:

True

  • The old, rotting bamboo is being removed and replaced with genetically engineered super-strong BamBu™
  • Tiki Room birds that were replaced during that attraction's upgrade will now serenade guests from the trees (with the exception of wisecracking José who is stuck in a gigantic spider's web)
  • "Native" figures will be upgraded with a more modern "gangsta" look
  • Caving into a few guest complaints about anatomical correctness, the bathing elephants will all be sporting new trunks
  • All of the gnus are being removed (this is good news)
  • The all-new Jungle Cruise script, written by Michael Eisner himself and containing wacky references to entertainment movers and shakers and Tinseltown jokes that Hollywood insiders will find hilarious, will be "accidentally" ignored, as will his suggestion that one of the gorillas be reworked to look like a certain ex-executive

Untrue

  • Shrunken heads seen at end of ride will now mysteriously float about
  • When lightning strikes in the attraction queue, paintings on the hut walls will mysteriously and horrifically change
  • Jungle Cruise boats will be launched using a magnetic rail system developed for the reworked Space Mountain attraction but ultimately not used
  • The "voyage to 1929" theme is being replaced by a more Miami Vice look
  • Boats will enter a mighty microscope to give guests a view of the inside of water
  • Jungle Cruise skipper jokes will finally be funny.

Will Disneyland be making changes to the Pirates ride so that it is a different ride at night? (2/16/05)

A recent online article revealed that Disney is indeed considering adding to the beloved Pirates of the Caribbean attraction, giving it the capability to turn into a very different attraction after the sun goes down. Inspired by Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl (and its upcoming sequels, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearls, and Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl III), Imagineers have drawn up preliminary plans for a ride modification which would make Pirates a horrific ride after the sun goes down.

The plan is to expand the ride's path into the current boat storage area, through unused (and badly flooded) areas of New Orleans Square's underbelly, and out to the Rivers of America (much as Splash Mountain briefly enters the river). In this new ride section, to be used only at night, horrifying dead pirates with flesh hanging from their bones would attack passing guest boats, firing cannons and throwing knives while singing a "corrupted" version of the famed Pirates song. In scenes unfit for small children, skeletal pirates will sell their captives into slavery and chase after women for food they crave but can not enjoy. When guests reach the Rivers of America, they will find themselves face-to-face with the Columbia, decked out in pirate gear, and firing upon them with all guns.

Initial plans call for adding some 600 feet of ride experience, adding 90 animatronic figures, and adapting all current figures so that they can switch to scary "night mode" on command. An alternative, "Eisner safe" proposal has also been drawn up which includes putting scary hats on existing animatronic figures (including pigs and cats) and instructing cast members to scowl.

It is expected that a final okay for these modifications will not be given until guest reaction to the "it's a small world" nighttime overlay "werewolves of the world" can be measured

Will Keith Richards be playing Captain Jack Sparrow's father in the new Pirates movies? (2/14/05)

Maybe. Although the film's producers really want Keith Richards for the part of Pappy Sparrow, Richards is rumored to be holding out for $20 million up front for two days work. Since $20 million is almost enough for Disney to build an entire Disneyland knockoff theme park, the company is balking. Lead contenders for the part should Richards not become more reasonable include Christopher Walken, Tim Curry, and Paul Rubens.

Will there be a Shanghai Disneyland? (1/24/05)

Yes! Shanghai Disneyland is being planned to follow Hong Kong Disneyland. In fact, the Walt Disney Company plans to put at least one Disneyland in every major country on the planet over the course of the next sixty years. This economy of scale and efficiency will allow the streamlining of the Disneyland-creation process, so each Disneyland will be more compact than the last without losing any of the magic. For example, the soon-to-open Hong Kong Disneyland will have half the original Disneyland's size, in which will be nestled a delightful low-maintenance garden, a castle-ish sort of thing, a recycled parade from Anahiem, a night-time firecracker spectacular, dozens of shops, and five compact attractions (Distant Thunder Mountain Railroad, "it's a small continent," The Haunted Tract House, A Single Adventure of Winnie the Pooh, and Pirates of the Coast of Panama). The trend will continue until, in 2055, Disneyland Brazil should open as a delightful, magical, mall kiosk which guests can visit for $50 a minute.

Earlier rumors

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396 Pure, Unadulterated, Dyed-In-The-Wool, 100% Made-Up, Completely Fake Disneyland "Facts"
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