Fun Stuff -- Disney Haiku (Disney Lies)

Disney Haiku

Disneyland

I walk in the gate
Ready for a day of fun
Mouse head in flowers

Main Street, USA,
A true slice of better days
Buy a t-shirt there

Rode "it's a small world"
The song took over my head
I may kill someone

Snow White now hates me
Last time I went on her ride
I stole the apple

Spin in a teacup
Makes the world a colored swirl
Shouldn't smoke pot first

Go to Disneyland
Stand in a two-hour line
Fly in elephant

Ride the Monorail
Our future transportation
Named for a disease

Thirst to feel free
I ride the Autopia
Don't ram my damned car!

I once saw a film
Hon, I Shrunk the Audience
Really long title

Big Thunder Mountain
It always makes me dizzy
Don't look at the goat!

The Peoplemover
Relaxing, great for necking
Please, please bring it back!

Splash Mountain is cool
They take photos at the end
I took off my shirt

Went to Mickey's house
Saw him in the movie barn
Oh Mickey -- kiss me!

Restore the Starcade
Open the upper level
Bring back air hockey

In the Tiki Room
Birds sing words, the flowers croon
I just fall asleep

Indiana Jones
The best queue in the whole park
Always broken down

Jungle Cruise -- Thrills! Chills!
But what was it that I saw?
Back side of water

Sing: Yo ho, you ho
It's a pirate's life for me
But not the "rape" part

"Pirates" makes me sad
It taunts with unfulfilled dreams
I want the redhead!

The Haunted Mansion
999 smiles
Room for a thousand

He loved the mansion
Thought more of it than of me
Left his ashes there

Maynard is the best
Tall, kind, goofy, funny, nuts
Want to have his child

Dear Winnie the Pooh
Your cartoons make me giddy
Your ride really blows

Whence the country bears?
They left because of scandal
Somebody got mauled

Disney California Adventure

I love DCA
It's always nice and peaceful
Nobody goes there

Heimlich's Chew Chew Train
Good film, big build up, nice queue
Twenty-second ride

Tough to Be a Bug
Giant spiders, stinging seats
Traumatized my child

The Sun Wheel's huge
Takes forever and car swings
I feel sick all day

It's not paradise
A "pier" with cheesy old games
Wish it would burn down

Grizzly river run
Cools me off, leaves me ugly
Makes my makeup run

Tower of Terror
Could have been a better ride
But there's no budget

Went to Flik's Fun Fair
Laughed at big plastic insects
Got stung by a bee

Soarin' makes me feel
Like a pigeon who will land
On Eisner's statue

Tower of terror
Entered the fifth dimention
Saw my house from there

Girl in skirt on trail
Above me on a rope bridge
With no panties on

Superstar Limo
It gave me awful nightmares
Gone, not forgotten

Disney Films and TV

The circle of life
It can bring us nothing new
Another sequel

Nemo video
My kid watches it daily
Now I hate that fish

Saw Home on the Range
Disney's last real cartoon
Sucked sucked sucked sucked sucked

DuckTales was awesome,
But no DVD set?
What's the big hold-up?

Walt Disney

Beloved Uncle Walt
Created a land of dreams
Now an icicle

My hero's name is
Walter Elias Disney
Did I spell that right?

Disney Company

Dear Michael Eisner
You once made my heart delight
Now you give me gas

In Disney's future
No Miramax or Pixar
Now will your films suck?

Got a haiku about the Disneyland Resort, Disney films, Walt Disney, or the Disney company?
Send it to us, and if we like it we'll publish it here, pay you nothing, give you no credit, and claim all print, song, and reproduction rights to it in perpetuity!

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