You might think that if you don't live near Disneyland, finding the park in the privacy of your own car would be difficult. Fortunately, the Disneyland Resort is located near more than seventy major freeways, and getting there couldn't be easier. Just locate the appropriate set of directions below and you're on your way.
From the eastern United States
Locate the Empire State Building. Drive southwest on 5th avenue, turn left onto East 32nd Street, turn left onto Madison Avenue, turn left onto East 34th Street, marvel at how pedestrians just run across the street at will without hardly ever getting killed, turn right onto Dyer Avenue, take the Lincoln Tunnel ramp and merge onto I-495 west, take the New Jersey Turnpike south exit and merge onto the New Jersey Turnpike while fumbling with your wallet because there will be a toll. Merge onto I-78 west and merge further onto I-81 south, then use exit Number 52 and take the 11 south ramp toward the turnpike so you can merge onto Harrisburg Pike without hope of finding a clean, convenient restroom any time soon. Look for the Penna Turnpike ramp and use it to merge onto I-76 (have that toll money ready), use exit 75 to get to the I-70 west, and then to I-465 south via exit 90, then use the exit whose number I can't recall to get back on I-70 west which will take you to the I-55 south and the I-44 west which is yet another damned toll road. Oh, I should have mentioned that you should make sure you have a full tank at this point, because you really don't want to have to stop for gas after this. Sorry about the oversight. Anyway, I-44 west becomes the Turner Turnpike so they can charge you yet another toll by pretending that it's a different road, and just in case you didn't catch on to what they are doing, it does it again by changing its name to the John Kilpatrick (whoever he is) Turnpike. After paying your final toll, assuming you haven't gone insane, take I-40 west, watch it turn into the I-15 south, and merge onto CA-90 west, which will take you to CA-57 south. Get off on the Ball Road exit, turn right and then turn left onto South Harbor Boulevard. Use the left three lanes to access the Mickey and Friends Parking Structure and be sure to complain to the nice person at the parking booth about having to pay to stop driving when you just spent so much money at toll booths paying to drive. Follow the directions of the parking attendants until you reach a space, then hustle the family out of the car and rush to the ground floors where the restrooms are. Depending on your driving speed, the trip will take you 90 minutes or less (from some point).
From the western United States
Locate the historic Alamo in Alamo Plaza. Take the informative and educational tour, then head back to your car and drive southwest on Alamo Plaza. Turn left onto East Houston Street and begin an interesting conversation about the man after whom the street is named while you look for North Flores Street where you will turn left. From North Flores, turn left onto West Martin Street and then right onto North San Saba Street. Look for Tony's Tacos. It's just a little stand, but they do a great job. The service is friendly, the food is filling, and the price is right. Fill up, because you have a long drive ahead of you. Once back in your car, take the onramp onto I-10 west. Make sure you're paying attention because you'll need to switch to I-17 north in just under a thousand miles. Get back on the I-10 west (ha -- fooled you!) and cruise along for about three hundred miles until you reach CA-60 west, which will take you to CA-91 west, and then to CA-57 south. If you ate a good meal at Tony's, you should start to feel hungry right about now, but that's okay. Take the Ball Road exit, turn right onto Ball Road, and then turn left almost immediately onto South Harbor Boulevard. Follow the signs to the Mickey and Friends parking structure. Once there, say that you are driving a camper (no matter what kind of vehicle you really have) because even though they will charge you extra, you will get a great parking space.
From the Grand Californian hotel
Exit the hotel.
Take an airplane to New York. Rent a car, fill it with petrol, and proceed with the "from the eastern United States" directions. If you are from England, remember to drive on the correct side of the road.
From Asia or Africa
Use the "from Europe" directions, but get to Europe first.
From South America
Use the "from the western United States" directions, but keep a low profile near the Alamo if there are drunken, gun-toting rednecks around and you look like you might be Mexican.
From Australia and vicinity
Just wait for the opening of Disney Sidney. It's bound to happen sooner or later.
Sorry, folks from Antarctica are not allowed in Disneyland.
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