DisneyLies.com

Disney California Adventure

Other Paradise Pier Attractions

February 2001

Paradise Pier is packed with methods of separating guests from their money or lunch. For example:

Games of the Boardwalk

Guests with a thirst for nostalgia can try their hand at a variety of carnival style games set up in a style reminiscent of those bygone days when carnies didn't have to worry about dealing with nuisances like bunco squads. We like watching guests pay two dollars to try and win a ten-cent stuffed gopher by knocking down a stack of lead filled, lead lined, full-size milk cans with a mushy ping-pong ball.

Golden Zephyr

Six old Splash Mountain vehicles, painted silver, with fins and nose cones pasted on, go around in a circle in a space-travel simulation that's almost as convincing as an old Flash Gordon serial.

Jumpin' Jellyfish

This attraction, basically a parachute ride, is currently the target of litigation by the North American Sea and Land Collective Animal Rights Protectorate (NASALCARP) over its alleged harmful impact on the knowledge base of American children. As a NASALCARP spokesperson put it, "Sea jellies aren't fish and shouldn't be referred to as 'jellyfish' any more than star fish, which also aren't."

King Triton's Carousel

As the only underwater carousel in North America, King Triton's is certainly worth a visit. All of the Carousel's figures are edible creatures of the sea instead of horses, and can be found on the menu at Ariel's Grotto.

Maliboomer

Maliboomer riders are launched with great speed straight up into the air while sitting on benches decorated like those along the beach in Malibu. Plastic shields protect viewers from screams and (ahem) anything else that might come flying out of riders as they are jerked up and down. Maliboomer is structurally linked to California Screamin', and the latter would have to be partially disassembled in order for replacement or significant modification to the former. This was made necessary by the fact that Maliboomer is, in the legal sense, an elevator, and must therefore by law be part of a structure of at least a certain minimal size to avoid a special use tax. Really.

Mulholland Madness

A "psychotic mouse" style roller coaster, Mulholland Madness features four-person cars and a twisting, turning track that is an exact scale model of the real Mulholland Drive, only without the traffic lights, scenery, vagrants, and hookers.

Orange Stinger

A ride consisting of spinning swings, themed like an orange with bees in it. Go figure.


This site is not endorsed, approved, or secretly funded by the Walt Disney Corporation (or any corporation with a legal department). All information on this site is, to the best of our knowledge, false. If any significant true information slips through, we apologize for that. Since we don't check any of what passes for facts around here, mistakes are bound to happen. Contents © 2003–2014 so don't go stealing anything, okay?

396 Pure, Unadulterated, Dyed-In-The-Wool, 100% Made-Up, Completely Fake Disneyland "Facts"
Get a book!

396 Pure, Unadulterated, Dyed-In-The-Wool, 100% Made-Up, Completely Fake Disneyland "Facts"
Get another book!