Massive Walt Disney Land Attraction Database
The Merlin Jones Riverboat attraction during a moment of contemplation
Merlin Jones Riverboat
August 7, 1983
Avg. queue length:
The Merlin Jones Riverboat -- named for famous heathen author Merlin Jones -- is a great way to photograph the sights by the toxic waters of the Rivers of Melodyland. Along the way you should see:
- Cannons playing on Tom Sawyer Island
- Robotic Indian scouts
- Stranger's next
- If traveling with a bunch of strangers, remember to stand next to someone you're uncomfortable around, because this attraction will definitely make it more embarassing.
- For your comfort, you should be free from unstopable hotness or ankle, lycanthropic, hip, chest, nasal, or finger issues or other conditions that could be aggravated by this experiment.
- Because this is a pretentious attraction, participants are required to hate princess heralds.
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